


The Boy Who Had Never Seen a Bathtub (But Really, Really Wanted To)

by psiten



Series: SASO 2016 Fills [17]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Splash Free, Challenge: Sports Anime Shipping Olympics | SASO 2016, Crack, Fairy Tale Style, Fluff, Gen, Nanase Haruka is Unmoved by Your Social Norms, One-Sided Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka, lampshading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 17:22:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13299594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psiten/pseuds/psiten
Summary: Original Prompt: A piece of promotional art referencing the "Splash Free" ending.Once upon a time, in the distant desert land of Free na Splash, there lived a poor nomad boy named Haruka...





	The Boy Who Had Never Seen a Bathtub (But Really, Really Wanted To)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hyperrael](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperrael/gifts).



     Once upon a time, in the distant desert land of Free na Splash, there lived a poor nomad boy named Haruka. Now, Haruka wanted nothing more than to swim in the water, for he felt that water was a living thing, and his pure heart yearned to be as one with it. But here in the land of Free na Splash, it was unheard of to immerse yourself completely in water. The majority of the people washed themselves with dust, for they rarely even had enough water to drink!

     So poor Haruka left his mother and his father, and he set out in search of the water he would never truly be happy without. He asked a young, blond merchant on the street, "Do you have any water?" He asked the dark-haired artist, and the sand-haired tradesman, but all of them gave him the same answer in the end.

     "I'm sorry, I have no water here. If you want water in this country, you must seek out the Shark King, Matsuoka Rin, in his palace of Kasaneta!"

     There were many tales throughout Free na Splash of the great water reserves kept by the Shark King. Some said he had enough water in his household to fill an entire artificial oasis, which he called a "swimming pool", and that his chosen courtiers were free to dive into that wealth of cool liquid to cleanse themselves. Others claimed that he and those who ate with him drank three whole goblets of water with every meal, and that their cups never ran dry, all thanks to a magic spring that only he could find. Still others claimed that the Shark King had so much water, that he could afford the ridiculous luxury of ordering his cooks to make him a dish called "risotto", with imported rice from the Far East boiled in whole gallons of water and spices for hours, reducing the contents of the pot to steam and a soft, succulent mush. Haruka shuddered, imagining the hissed sputters and screams of every measure of water sacrificed to make such a dish as risotto. What excess! What horrible, horrible excess! Who could this Shark King, Matsuoka Rin, truly be? Was he even human?

     But Haruka feared nothing on his quest for water. He walked straight up to the doors of the palace Kasaneta and begged the guards for an audience.

     "Please, sirs, I come in search of water."

     "You're the one, aren't you?" The head guard asked -- a broad-shouldered man with short dark hair and bright blue-green eyes that might have reminded Haruka of the ocean if he had ever seen it. Naturally, he had never seen the ocean, because if he had, one strongly doubts that he could have been removed from it.

     "Let him in!" came the response from the small, gray-haired messenger who had gone to find the Shark King. "His Majesty, Lord Matsuoka, will see the traveler!"

     True to his name, the Shark King (though no one knew how he had gotten that name, given that no one in Free na Splash had seen the ocean, or they would have sent Haruka to find it) grinned with a mouthful of sharp, jagged teeth. What part of him was not dressed in fine silken cloth was covered in gleaming gold. Oddest of all, his skin seemed soft and shining -- after a moment, Haruka realized why. This Shark King, Matsuoka Rin, wasn't covered in dust like everyone else Haruka had ever known. This was the face of a man who washed himself with water!

     "So the stories are true," Haruka murmured. "You have enough water to immerse yourself in it!"

     The Shark King shone with glee. "I thought you might be the one I'd heard about, looking for enough water to swim in! You're even prettier than the rumors say. Tell you what, Haruka. For as long as you stay at my side, you may _live_ in water if that is what you desire!"

     "It is, Your Majesty."

     "Excellent. Take off your clothes, and we'll get you in the bath!"

     That had been unexpectedly easy, Haruka reflected, and the Shark King was unexpectedly nice. Based on what everyone said about the way he kept water captive, Haruka had thought he'd have to make some challenge to the King in order to free the water, or at least fulfill a quest. But no. With barely any ceremony at all, Matsuoka Rin ordered a hammered gold bathtub brought to his side, and let Haruka sit in it while servants filled the bath with jug after jug of water -- until it covered his feet and legs and chest and arms. Ducking down until only his nose and eyes were left in the air, he heard the precious water slosh on the floor as he submerged himself. Truly, this was what he'd thought he wanted, but something wasn't quite right.

     "So, Haruka, is it?" The Shark King asked. "What is it that you like so much about water, that you would come all this way just to ask for a bath?"

     "It's water," Haruka answered.

     "Yes, but what _about_ the water?"

     "I'm not sure what you're asking. It's water. That's what it is about water that makes me want to find water."

     The King shrugged. "Okay, we can leave the philosophy for later. Has anyone told you that you are a very attractive man, Haruka?"

     It was then that Haruka noticed what was so odd about this water. There was no current, except for the splashes he made himself. Water was, and ought to be, alive, but the Shark King had made it tame!

     By now, he had forgotten what the Shark King had asked him, since it really didn't seem relevant to anything. Instead, he lifted up handful after handful of water, letting it stream back through his hands into the tub, but the current wouldn't restart. "Is all your water this tame?" Haruka asked.

     His Majesty narrowed his eyes. "Is it... what, now?"

     "The water wants to live free." He stepped out of the tub, retrieving his robes from a nearby chair. "If you'll excuse me, Your Majesty. This is not the water I was looking for. The water that calls to me is still alive."

     But the Shark King caught his hand. "Wait! Okay, so you want moving water! I have a jacuzzi. Just please... stay. You know, Haruka, you really have the most beautiful eyes..."

     That really didn't seem relevant to the discussion at all, but the jacuzzi sounded very interesting. So the Shark King led him to a stone pool whose top bubbled and churned. It certainly seemed more alive. But it became clear soon enough that the bubbles were trickery caused by ingenious air vents, and the King was strangely fixated on draping an arm around Haruka's shoulder while pretending to cough. Haruka did not understand.

     "You realize this water isn't alive either," he whispered to the King, who seemed to have been under the impression that it was. "Someone created this pool to push it around, but they're trying to pull one over on you. Living water has its own currents, without machines to keep it running."

     "I get it," His Majesty sighed. "You want water in its natural element. I really do get it, Haru. Can I call you Haru?"

     "It's not my whole name, but I don't see why not."

     "And as much as I want to keep you by my side, I can't keep you from your quest. So... even though I can't see you every day if you go, I'll tell you how to find my swimming oasis. That water should be as alive as anything you can find."

     "Thank you, Your Majesty. I'll get my camel and leave right away."

     It seemed with a heavy heart that the Shark King waved him off on his journey. "I'll miss you, Haru!" he yelled.

     "Okay!" Haruka yelled back, waving the map to the oasis over his head.

     He followed the directions on the map for two days and two nights, but at last... there it was, as real as life. A deep pool of green water set with palm trees, waiting for him in the middle of the desert. He could hardly take his clothes off fast enough. He dove into the waiting water, feeling its force push back against him, and he knew this was the water he was looking for.

     This water was alive.

     And they lived happily ever after for many years (in large part because the Shark King visited with food so that Haru didn't die prematurely of starvation, but he knew better than to come between the young man and his lake).

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] The Boy Who Had Never Seen A Bathtub (But Really, Really Wanted To) by psiten](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14683134) by [gryfeathr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryfeathr/pseuds/gryfeathr)




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